What's been killing me this February

This post comes a little too late, though it isn't too late to catch Blue Repertory's latest offering (and its most daring by far), Bare! A heart-wrenching tale of forbidden love set to rock music, Bare follows the story of gay couple Peter and Jason, who repeatedly find themselves disagreeing as to whether or not their secret love should finally be made public. As they struggle to keep their faltering relationship intact in the face of the judging eyes of their peers, parents, and the Roman Catholic Church, they eventually come closer to discovering what truly matters in their lives -- although not without costing themselves a great loss. Audience maturity highly encouraged, as the material contains sex (which may or may not be heterosexual in nature) and an entire song devoted to the intake of recreational drugs.

So what's my role in this exactly? I play first keyboard, as well as lead/conduct the band. Not exactly the most inherently stressful job, but I admit this production is killing me. I've done a decent number of productions for BlueREP before, but never have I been so frustratingly tired as I am now. It's gotten to the point that I'm beggining to doubt that I want to keep doing this in the future. I love music, no doubt, but it was always something that I did just for fun; as a pianist, I may be useful to other people or contribute to society (do I?) along the way, but in the end, personal enjoyment is of highest importance. It's my only safeguard against the potential bitterness of letting other people treat me like a commodity. (Money would work also, but it's not like I get paid to do shows.)

Of course, I have only the greatest admiration for people who have so much passion for musical theatre, but alas, Bare has taught me that I was never one of them. There are just too many people I don't quite understand, too many fundamentals I don't agree with (putting the show above everything else, for example). In any case, I hate to have hung such a heavy feeling on what was a post I simply meant to promote the show, but still -- it's a great show borne out of the hard work of a lot of people, and the lights are particularly pretty.