Bachelor of "Now What?"

Where did my writing skills go? As I look through the blogs of friends and schoolmates who just recently graduated from the Ateneo, I'm amazed at how they seem to have so much to say about their senior year, or their last few weeks in college, or the plethora of memories they will keep with them as they go on with their lives. As for me, I've been signing in to Blogger everyday, hoping to type something up, and end up getting distracting by Facebook.

On the one hand, I do believe (somewhat) that no amount of online posting can do justice to the most significant and deepest of life experiences. On the other, this may well just be an excuse for the alarmingly widespread lack of ability to articulate that seems to plague this generation to which I belong. Besides, my college years in ADMU hardly count among "the most significant and deepest of life experiences." That's not to say they don't count among the most important years of my life so far; I'm just saying they could have been much better. And I do think there's plenty of room in my future for improvement.

Which brings me to the question of whatever the hell is in store for me now. Four years of hard work, utter confusion with life, and sleepless nights have earned me an oversized scroll of paper signifying that I've earned a BA in Communication---a field I realized too late that I dislike (the industry side of it, at least; I learned to appreciate the academic side so much more, though I suck at it all the same). At the moment I'm looking around for an easy, no-brainer job that I could kill time with before I finally leave the country this July.

People tell me how lucky I am to be covered for the next few years, having somehow gotten myself a scholarship abroad (something I thought I'd never be able to do). And indeed I think this is very lucky,  though mostly because I'm convinced I have no hope of having a life here that I will find personally fulfilling---at least not in my current condition: skill-less, uninspired, and unsatisfied with the direction I've been going. Admittedly, there's some escapism here; but when I think of what I'll be leaving behind, there's really not much there anyway.

So yes, I will probably be away for a long time. After Singapore I'm hoping to go on even further, although nothing is certain at this point (especially at this point!). Once I'm there I'm going to have to work even harder to get myself back on track. Very scary, thinking about the future, but I figure I haven't got much choice but to go forward anyway. So here's to an interesting life up ahead!